Pop Outs & Pop Ins - Supporting your Toddler & Child to sleep with more independence
As a sleep consultant and a mum, I’ve always taken a hands-on, responsive approach to sleep. My daughter has never been one to fall asleep independently. From the newborn stage to now, we’ve met her needs using hands-on techniques and eventually voice and proximity to assist her to fall asleep.
Recently, I found myself needing a new strategy. My husband was away for 1.5 weeks, which meant bedtimes suddenly became a logistical nightmare. My son needed my presence as much as my daughter did, and I could no longer lay next to her cot whilst she drifted off to sleep. That’s when I knew I needed to try the pop-out/pop in strategy.
What is the Pop-Out/Pop In Sleep Training Method?
This strategy is a gentle, structured way to support your toddler’s sleep independence while still providing reassurance and support as needed. Instead of staying with your toddler until they fall asleep, you begin to gradually increase the time you step away, ‘popping out’ for short intervals and then ‘popping in’, returning to check in and reassure your toddler that mummy/daddy always come back. It’s a middle ground strategy, that allows your toddler to build confidence in falling asleep with increased independence.
How I Implemented the Pop-Out/Pop In Method
Setting the Scene – I made sure our bedtime routine was exactly the same - predictable and calming: bath, books, cuddles, our goodnight song and goodnight phrase.
Starting with Short Pop-Outs – On the first night, I told my daughter I would be right back and that I needed to go and check on her brother. I popped out for a short period of time (40 seconds - enough time to check on my son and reassure him) and then returned as promised. I stayed with her for a short time until it was time to again check on my son. I was very flexible here and wasn’t strict on timing - I trusted my gut and popped out and in as needed.
Gradually Increasing Time Away – Over the next two nights, I slowly extended the time before checking in, from 40 seconds to 1 minute, then 1.5 minutes and so on. This allowed her to grow accustomed to my brief absences, knowing that I would always come back.
Responding as Needed – Some nights, she needed more check-ins, other nights, she settled more easily. Flexibility is crucial!
Maintaining Reassurance Without Over-Involvement – I kept my check-ins low-stimulation—no prolonged talking, just a brief comfort cue, waiting a short time before stepping out of the room. I always communicated where I was going, what I was doing and that I would be back soon.
I Always came back! - This is the most important element of this strategy. You must always return to the room to ensure you are keeping your word and building trust. When and if she fell asleep whilst I was out of the room I waited until I knew she was in a deep sleep before going back in and either giving her a little kiss/telling her I loved her and I would see her in the morning. Other ways you could let your toddler/child know that you returned after they were asleep is by leaving a small, safe object (like a special plush or sticker) in their cot to show you checked on them while they were sleeping. For older toddlers, a little note or a picture beside their bed is also a nice way to let them know that you popped back in whilst they were dreaming.
*Getting my daughter to fall asleep independently without me in the room was and never has been my end goal. It has always been to ensure her needs a met whilst helping her to get the rest her growing body needs. My presence in her room at bedtime, would at times would delay her onset of sleep, but never did it cause her to wake multiple times throughout the night. Implementing the pop out/pop in strategy came out of a need to support the emotional needs of my children at the same time.
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned—both as a mum and a sleep consultant—is that sleep is never a one-size-fits-all journey. What worked six months ago might not work today, and that’s okay. Your baby and toddler’s emotional and developmental needs evolve, and so must our settling techniques.
If you’re considering making a change to your sleep approach, whether out of necessity or because your child’s needs are shifting, know that flexibility is your greatest tool. The pop-out method can be a gentle yet effective way to encourage sleep independence while still offering reassurance along the way.
Consults are available for sleep support, so please don’t hesitate to reach out and check out what sleep packages are on offer by following this link .
Zoe xx